I think much of our anxiety and fear comes from our beliefs about ourselves and subsequently the way we criticise ourselves. One of my greatest fears has been of criticism from other people but I've realised that I criticise myself more than anyone else ever does. I find this sort of self-criticism very prevalent in my clients too - I say to them "If I said to you what you say to yourself you'd reply 'How dare you say that to me', walk out and never come back." They always agree they would!
We want other people to accept how we are and how we feel but we don't or won't accept ourselves. This leads to constant anxiety and nervousness as we tell ourselves we're not good enough, don't know enough, don't do enough....or are not intelligent enough, good looking enough, fit enough, thin enough, happy enough....I'm sure you can add lots of your own. The bottom line seems to be we don't feel 'enough'. This fear of not being 'enough' then influences our behaviour - we don't go for that promotion at work, we don't ask for something we want, we don't promote our goods and services as we could.
Most people think that if they accept themselves as they are then they will never change - "If I accept myself at 80kgs then I'll never lose weight". The interesting paradox is that acceptance of ourselves as we are leads to growth and change - strange but true.
I learned some little dictums on acceptance from Dr John Harrison years ago (he was the author of "Love Your Disease It's Making You Healthy") which I've never forgotten:
*Change nothing, accept everything, and everything changes
*What you ought to have done is exactly what you did do
*What you should be doing is exactly what you are doing.
If you learn to accept yourself then you become less concerned about other people's acceptance of you.